you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
