what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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