I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
