He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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