Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
