His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
