Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
