i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
