Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
