Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
