The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just gargled with NyQuil
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
