Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
