whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
