I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
