apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
