I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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