Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
