I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
