I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
