This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
