Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
