Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
