Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It's rum buckets o'clock
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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