i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
