I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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