There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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