the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
is that a dick in a sweater?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I'm really busy with my period
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