Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
