You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
