There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
