she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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