I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
