Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I think people are normalizing furries
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
