I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
