hotel room ftw
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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