I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
