The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
