I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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