I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
