My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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