That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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