My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
