i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My cat gives me a boner
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
