You can't special order awesome
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
