Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
no, he came in my armpit
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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