my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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