So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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