I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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