i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
