My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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