It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
