addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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