well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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