How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
