His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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