walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
even my farts smell like vagina
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
